DON’T FORGET YOUR SPOUSE, YOUR HEALTH OR YOUR DREAMS!

     You are human, I am human; we are all human.  One of the facts about being human is that we cannot pay attention to everything at once.  For example, until you read the rest of this sentence, you probably were not paying attention to the sensations of your feet on the floor (if you are standing) or your buttocks on the chair (if you are sitting).  The good thing is that it is not that important to pay attention to those sensations all the time.  The problem comes when there are important aspects of life where we CHRONICALLY don’t pay attention.    This article should not be read as finger pointing but rather as a beckoning to get you to take a step back and see what or who you are neglecting in your life.

     I have said many times that the problems we have in our life stem less from what we are doing, thinking about or saying and more from what we are not doing, thinking about or saying.     As you read these words, stop and ask yourself, “What AM I neglecting in myself or my life?  Am I neglecting my physical health- maybe not exercising regularly or eating more healthily?  Am I neglecting my spouse?  Have I spent enough quality time with my children?  Am I neglecting my dreams and getting stuck in the day to day details of my life?  Am I forgetting about the simple pleasures of life, while I pursue my dreams?  For example, when was the last time I enjoyed looking at the moon or stars or the smile on my kid’s face?  Am I neglecting my spiritual needs?

     It is a challenge for all of us to attend to the many different aspects of ourselves, our lives, and our relationships.  Steven Covey, in his classic book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about each of us having to create a “values-centered” life.  We need to discover what our values are; what is important to us and what do I need to pay attention to.  This is in direct contrast to a spouse-centered life, a money-centered life, etc.  We need to look at all our values.  If you value your health, then live according to that value and take care of your body.  If you value your marriage, then spend some quality time with your partner.  If you value the freedom that money gives you, then pursue your career dreams and make more money.  The trick is to attend to all of them. 

     There may be some days or weeks that one value is the main focus of attention.  As long as the other values are not neglected for too long, you will have a higher quality of life.   Attending to all that you value will help you have more of what you want in each of your values.   Not a bad equation to live by!

 Todd Creager 

     Todd Creager is a Consultant, Coach, Psychotherapist and Speaker who has been in practice for over 24 years.  His background, training and continued work in marriage therapy (with a specialty in sex therapy) has been a unique and great complement to his training and work as a business and life coach.  He has helped thousands of individuals, whether in the home or the workplace learn how to bring the best out of others.  Likewise, he is extremely successful at bringing the best out of his clients.   His company is the Todd Creager Center for Successful Relationships.