How to Bring the Best Out of Others

WINTER 2005 HBMAGAZINE

Is it possible to have positive effects on our co-workers, employees and even spouses so that we actually help bring out their best? Is it possible to help others reach their potential even if they seem to be chronic underachievers? Is it possible to turn our “enemies” into our supportive, cooperative allies (the answers are embedded below).
We tend to see people as static entities, non-changing, and predictable. This could not be farther from the truth. People’s patterns are created from a previous environment or context (such as one’s family of origin) not in a vacuum. The problem is, once these patterns are established, the person himself (I am using the male gender for simplicity sake) begins identifying with the patterns he has set up for himself. Then he attracts
similar reactions from others and his beliefs are ingrained even more. I want to shout the next statement from the rooftops: “WE ARE ALL MORE THAN OUR PATTERNS, MUCH MORE!” Our patterns come mainly from how we adapted to the previous environments we lived in. Change the interpersonal environment, and there is a good possibility the person’s patterns will change as well.

People act the way they are treated

As I said above, once a person identifies himself with certain traits or patterns, he attracts similar responses as in the past, which then consolidates his old, dysfunctional belief. For example, let us say an employee had an overbearing, insensitive father who constantly criticized him, saying he was not good enough. He now unconsciously
expects to be inadequate and criticized by his male boss. He has an unpleasant
edge to his personality and sabotages his performance. The boss has an automatic
reaction of wanting to criticize and reject the employee. Instead, he treats the employee as if he is capable and worthwhile. This is a different response than the employee is used to. This leads to initial confusion. This kind of confusion is great because it is difficult to act in old ways when it does not seem to fit the environment. Slowly, the
client relaxes and becomes more pleasant and begins reaching his potential.

Perceive the best in others even if there is no history to back this up

Ask yourself, how would I feel and think about this person, if he had more of what I wanted. Imagine him just as you would like. Try this trick when you are pulling out of a busy stadium and people are not letting you get out. Perceive the impatient driver as courteous and patient, smile and thank him (in advance) for letting you in. His confusion
will give way to letting you cut in front of his car. These principles will help you have
a seemingly magical, positive influence on whomever you practice this with. Create success for yourself and others. Enjoy experimenting both at work and home (and busy parking lots) and feel free to let me know how it works.

Personal development
By Todd Creager

Todd Creager is the owner of Success Magnet Coaching, a company dedicated to helping small business owners become more successful. He has over 21 years of experience coaching business owners, professionals and couples. He can be reached at (714)848-2288 or todd@successmagnet.net